Help Obama Kickstart World War 3

Our president can’t launch into another war without you. And remember: when we voted for him in 2008 and 2012, we promised to support him no matter what.

And America is dead-ass broke, so our goal is to raise $1.6 trillion on behalf of the U.S. government.

That’s where you come in.

Even a small donation will make all the difference.

World War III is a very important, very progressive war that Obama tells me is very important. So it must be.

World War III is not going to be like those other Republican wars fought on just 1 percent of the world; this war is going to be fought on 99 percent of the world.

It will be everywhere: Russia, China, Africa, Cincinnati, your favorite brunch spot — the one with those kickass ranchero breakfast burritos.

As an incentive, those pledging $25 a piece of rubble from a war-torn Middle Eastern country, kissed by Sen. Lindsey Graham, while $100 donations gets donors a day pass to leave their local refugee camp.

It’ll be all over Twitter, Facebook, Vine, Pinterest, and whatever eventually replaces Pinterest, and I mean, just think of all the hilarious skits we can make of cats reacting to their owners’ homes being obliterated,” the video says. Lots of shock, but tons of awww.

Ten dollars gets one a “shout out” on social media. In fact, the video promises that World War III will be the most social media-focused war in history.

So please, help us reach our goal of $1.6 trillion so we can make World War III a reality. Why? Because Obama.

Let’s make World War 3 a reality!

By The Second City Network