Dream Big! Become An Israeli Spy!

By Mark R. Crovelli,
June 01, 2009
Courtesy Of Anti-War News

A couple of days ago, during a pleasant lunch-hour chat, my good friend treated me to a charming story about his 8-year-old son. Essentially, the story involved my friend asking his son what he wanted to be when he grew up, and the son responded, with endearing, childlike innocence, that he wanted to grow up to be either a professional basketball player, a doctor, or a roofer, like his father. My friend was understandably proud of his son, who had demonstrated that he was capable of "dreaming big" yet obviously still revered his father.

As my friend was relating the story, it occurred to me that we have done a rather poor job in America of inspiring our children to dream about their future careers. If all we have managed to do is to inspire our children to dream of becoming professional athletes, doctors, or marine biologists, then we have been remiss in teaching them what it really means to "dream big." There are bigger and better things to do in the world today than treating diseases, playing sports, and studying humpback whales. At the top of the list is becoming a spy on American soil for the Israeli government.

Israeli spies in the United States, (unlike American doctors, athletes, and marine biologists), are privy to information about what the federal government of the United States is actually doing. American citizens, on whose purported behalf the federal government exists, are not granted access to a great deal of information labeled "classified" by their betters, but if one becomes an Israeli spy, then all that changes. Want to know whether the federal government is considering starting a new war with Iran? You are not allowed to know such things as a mere citizen of the United States, but if you simply join a nefarious Israeli spy ring you will be privy to everything! Want to find out the federal government’s most secretive data on building a nuclear weapon? Don’t waste your life filing Freedom of Information Act requests, just start spying for Israel!

Israeli spies are not merely restricted to reading classified information about our government, however. On the contrary, they are able to take an active part in the "governing" process that is denied to mere citizens of the United States. If you are an individual American citizen seeking to influence, say, the appointment of an important official in the current administration, your chances of doing so are infinitesimally slim. But if you join the Israeli spy network or its enabling front organization, the sky is the limit! Don’t like a certain appointee? Just voice your concerns (and smear the candidate as an "anti-Semite"), and your wish shall be the U.S. government’s command. No one will worry one iota about the fact that you have admitted to handing documents over to a foreign government, because you are an Israeli spy – not the bad kind, you see.

It might be thought that the perquisites of becoming an Israeli spy would be outweighed by the obvious dangers involved in espionage on behalf of a foreign government. The fact is, however, that becoming a spy for Israel in America is arguably less dangerous to one’s life and health than becoming a doctor or a professional athlete. Doctors can catch contagious diseases, and professional athletes can get killed or paralyzed. Israeli spies in America, on the other hand, don’t really have much to worry about – even if they get caught red-handed. Indeed, as long as they are somewhat modest in the amount of material they steal from America, it is very unlikely that that will even be punished if caught. The charges against them will miraculously go away, or they will be allowed to mysteriously and anonymously disappear before serving jail time. They might get deported to Israel, but that can hardly be deemed a harsh penalty for their perfidious actions. Some are even able to get American congressmen and other administration officials to act on their behalf when they get caught spying for Israel. Try doing that as an ordinary American doctor or professional athlete seeking clemency, and see how far it gets you!

In conclusion, what I am suggesting here is that American parents need to broaden their children’s horizons and encourage them to dream outside the American box when they consider their future careers. It is restrictive and provincial to think that your children are "dreaming big" when they aspire to become lowly doctors or humble professional athletes. These professions, after all, will always lack the special rights and immunities that are granted to agents of a foreign government. If you want your children to be truly respected (even feared) by their rulers and have some actual say in the governing process in America, tell them to start planning for a powerful and privileged career in the Israeli intelligence service.