******* Airline Announcements *******
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People in the Airline Industry aren't all serious...

1) On a Continental flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

2) On a Southwest Airline flight, "ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wings and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

3) Upon landing, the stewardess said, "please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

4) "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

5) As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan International Airport, the pilots voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

6) A Southwest Airline announcement: "welcome aboard Southwest flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works Just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

7) "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

8) "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

9) "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave behind children or spouses."

10) And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!."

11) A flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "we ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."