Comedy Time: "Divert Your Course!"
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This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of New Foundland in October 1995:

Canadians: Please divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.

US Warship: Recommend YOU divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the north to avoid collision.

Canadians: Negative! YOU will have to divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.

US Warship: This is the Captain of the US Warship Abraham Lincoln.
I say again, divert YOUR course!

Canadians: Negative! I say again, YOU must divert YOUR course.

US Warship: This the Aircraft Carrier USS Abraham Lincoln.
We are accompanied by 3 Destroyers, 3 Cruisers and support vessels.
I demand that YOU divert YOUR course 15 degrees north!
I say again: one, five degrees north.
Or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is the lighthouse, guiding light. YOUR choice!